It’s hard when you have a diagnosed mental illness. Even if it is a neurological chemical issue. Some people may be more understanding than others. I’ve learned over the years it is nearly impossible to fully comprehend the depths of a mental illness for some even if they themselves suffer from one or another and I too am guilty of this. Though I struggle with bipolar disorder, anxiety and I struggle with admitting to myself, PTSD, I find it especially challenging to deal with the continuum of others mental illness’s. Something I never have wanted to admit. Even with the frustrations I have watching those I care for struggle to deal with my own, I never wanted to react in the same matter but I know sometimes that’s exactly what I do. It hurts when someone you care for can not understand your illness or struggles and becomes frustrated with you but I do understand why it happens, if only simply it being human nature and self preservation. Some times you just cannot see past your own trauma and turmoil to another’s. Sometimes it’s about the way they cope or don’t while you fight to battle your own conditions. It’s not fair. To any party involved. No matter the depths of my despair and suffering I always think of these people I care for regardless if I cannot help.
I cannot be what they need and that hurts. It hurts me deeply and it hurts them. In the end I try to remember most that we all fight our own battles and we do so in our own ways. Some want you to need them while you may need them to want you and not need you, and this can be volatile. I do not wish to hurt anyone and if I have, I am truly sorry. I always will admit or at least try to, my part in how things transpired to where we stand, even if they cannot.
Sometimes people are in your life for the duration and some for only a short time. Neither is wrong, as life continues and remains fluid carrying on with or without us. I feel no ill will to those who are gone, those who needed space, who have walked away or I have walked away from. I hope the same things for them as I do for myself, for happiness, health and some peace.
Remember, be kind.
