My nightmares usually consist of post apocalyptic times always with a lot of running and fighting. Sometimes hostage situations of just myself, sometimes loved ones or a combination. Last night, I was surrounded by people who care about me. No matter what I said or did no one could hear me and though it felt …
Suffocating and Surviving
Maybe I don't know who I am or what I'm doing but I am trying to figure it all out. I lost a part of myself I was told I wasn't allowed to be, leaving me hollow chasing a feeling I couldn't imagine to be real. A life I never felt I deserved. I fantasized …
I’m Tired
I don't remember the last time when I spoke the words "I'm tired," and that was all I meant. Whether it was to someone or to myself. I'm tired has replaced I'm okay, I'm all right, I'm fine which often was retorted with, "Are you sure?" Sometimes followed with unsolicited advice which honestly was never …
Is there a difference between being supportive and understanding?
The short answer? Hell yes. There is a difference between being supportive and understanding. Someone can tell you they support you and even mean what they say without putting forth much effort into understanding where you are coming from. The problem which lies in this is without the understanding of your dreams, goals, trauma, illness …
Continue reading "Is there a difference between being supportive and understanding?"
Memes of my brain
Endure. Survive. Endure.
Endure. Survive. Endure. I looked at the ground, my heart broke. It took a deep breath in and tried to retain all the pieces it seemed to be in now. It didn’t. It couldn’t but be damned it still tried. Sometimes in life you are sitting still as the world rushes by you. Others, you …
When nightmares feel all to real
Most of my nightmares consist of me running, forever it seems. Being chased or chasing someone or something. Thankfully in my dreams I have stamina and the endurance to keep running. I often wake up with my legs feeling sore at times. I also tend to get into these grand battles, always fighting. Winning some, …
Today was a hard day
Today was a hard day. Days similar to today have tried to break me and sometimes I think where I find my strength is keeping it all deep inside of me wrapped up tightly with all the other things I bury for the sake of others. I often write about how being bipolar feels to …
Cinderella isn’t Dressed in Yellow, She’s Dressed in Black and She’s Depressed
Cinderella isn't dressed in yellow. She's dressed in black. And she's depressed, in pain, ill and exhausted but still getting the damn job done. She's on mood stabilizers that don't help nearly as much now that she quit smoking cigarettes. She doesn't live with step relatives but blood and her dad isn't dead but he's …
Continue reading "Cinderella isn’t Dressed in Yellow, She’s Dressed in Black and She’s Depressed"
This is what depression looks like
This is what depression looks like: This is what depression feels like (to me anyway.) It's more than the really bad days of not being able to get out of bed. The idea of getting out of bed is exhausting. Not showering for days on end and not giving a rat's ass about it. Not …